dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
