Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
