please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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