Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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