I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
