DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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