He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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