my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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