So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize