john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize