I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
