Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
