i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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