just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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