Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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