I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
