I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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