ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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