Betty ford says i'm here all night
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
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Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
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when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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