found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
