the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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