can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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