I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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