He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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