I'm really into asian looking animals
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
