my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
