Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
