Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
