I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
