No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
