the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
