So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
