Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Randomize
