okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
