Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
