I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize