omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
