Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
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the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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