My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
