Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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