Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
