All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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