things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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