HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
