In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
honey bunches of taint.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
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