I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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