I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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