I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
