dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
