I need help removing her.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
as a side note pls kill me
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