Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
