I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
