Welp...herpes.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
