how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
