I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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