Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
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how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
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I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize