I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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