I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
