I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
