you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
