theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
