just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
