i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
