I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
