he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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