The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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