it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
