we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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