yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
