Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
