were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
