Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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