it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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