at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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